We all have them – those little habits or behaviors of others that just seem to grate on our nerves. Maybe it’s someone who loudly chews their food, a colleague who constantly interrupts, or a neighbor who leaves their trash cans out too long. These minor irritations, often referred to as pet peeves, are a common part of the human experience. But why do these small things bother us so much, and more importantly, how can we prevent them from stealing our joy?
Pet peeves aren’t major conflicts or serious offenses, but rather personal and often trivial annoyances. They are the quirks and peculiarities of others that, for some reason, push our buttons. Think of them as tiny pebbles in your shoe – individually insignificant, but collectively, they can make your walk very uncomfortable.
Recently, I experienced a classic pet peeve scenario at the cinema. My wife and I were excited to see a comedy, and the theater was packed with people ready to laugh. We managed to find aisle seats near the back. The movie was indeed funny, but the gentleman behind me had a unique approach to enjoying it. Instead of laughing at the jokes, he laughed before them. As soon as he sensed humor approaching, he’d start a “heh-heh-heh” chuckle, then loudly announce to his wife (and everyone around), “He’s going to slip! Watch! He’s going to slip!” And when the predictable comedic fall happened, he’d erupt into booming laughter, completely drowning out the next few lines of dialogue. Peculiar? Yes. Slightly annoying? Definitely. A pet peeve in action.
So, what are some common pet peeves? They range widely, often reflecting personal sensitivities and cultural norms. For some, it might be a dislike of certain sounds, like nails on a chalkboard or people talking loudly on their phones in public. For others, it could be specific habits, such as leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or constant lateness. One person I know has a strong pet peeve about facial hair. Beards, mustaches – for her, they are inexplicably irritating. When I once sported a beard, she made her feelings very clear, repeatedly expressing her disapproval after church services. It made me wonder, was my beard really worth causing someone else – and myself – this frustration?
Joy is such a precious commodity. Why squander it on a quibble?
The language we use to describe our pet peeves is revealing. We say someone “gets under my skin,” or “gets on my nerves,” or is a “pain in my neck.” Notice the common denominator: my skin, my nerves, my neck. The discomfort, the irritation, the suffering – it’s all happening to us. Each pet peeve we indulge is like writing a check against our own happiness account.
Imagine your daily happiness as a basket full of Ping-Pong balls. Every time you allow a pet peeve to bother you, you’re letting a ball be snatched away.
- Dirty clothes left on the floor? Plop – a joy ball gone.
- Makeup applied at the last minute? Plop – another one disappears.
- Someone’s questionable tattoo choices? Plop.
- The way someone parks their car? Plop.
- A preacher with a beard? Plop.
One by one, these joy balls vanish, until your basket feels empty. How can we possibly spread positivity and joy to others when our own reserves are depleted by minor annoyances? This is why the apostle Paul wisely advised, “Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2 NIV
The word Paul uses for “patient” implies “long-tempered,” someone who doesn’t overheat quickly. Life is full of minor irritations, but they don’t have to diminish our overall quality of life. A patient person notices the world’s quirks, but instead of reacting with annoyance, they bear with them. It’s a realistic approach to living with other imperfect humans.
There are countless moments when we genuinely enjoy and appreciate each other. But then there are times when simply tolerating each other feels like a monumental effort. Paul’s word for “bearing with” encompasses this – to tolerate, endure, and forbear. Other translations emphasize this point:
- “Be patient…, making allowance for each other’s faults.” — NLT
- “Accept life with humility and patience, making allowances for each other.” — Phillips
- “Tolerate one another.” — The Voice
My wife, Denalyn, has had decades of experience in this area, having been married to me and my collection of quirks for over thirty years. She’s practically an expert in patience. My mind wanders when I drive, causing me to slow down. (“Max, pay attention!”). I attempt home repairs with questionable results. (“Max, let’s just call a handyman.”). I inexplicably switch bedrooms in the middle of the night. (“Max, where did you sleep last night?”). My jaw pops loudly when I eat steak. (“Max, you’re distracting the other diners.”). I’m ready to leave parties after thirty minutes, while she’s just getting started. (“Max, we just arrived!”). Sending me to the grocery store is an adventure of unknown duration. (“You’ve been gone for two hours and only bought chips?”).
Yet, despite all this, Denalyn is one of the happiest people I know. Her secret? She’s learned to find amusement in my idiosyncrasies. She genuinely thinks I’m entertaining! She sees my quirks not as pet peeves to be aggravated by, but as part of my unique, albeit slightly odd, charm.
To be clear, she does express her opinions. I know when I’ve tested her patience. But I also know that her love and acceptance are unwavering, and that makes all the difference to my own happiness.
Happiness is less an emotion and more a decision, a decision to bear with one another.
Consider this: aren’t others also bearing with your pet peeves, your own annoying habits? Before you get too fixated on the specks of dust in other people’s eyes, maybe take a look at the “beam” in your own, as Jesus famously advised.
Imagine someone walking around with a massive wooden beam sticking out of their eye. It’s absurd, comical even. They’re completely oblivious to this ridiculous obstruction, yet hyper-focused on the tiniest speck of dust in someone else’s eye. Jesus used this vivid imagery in the Sermon on the Mount:
“Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? How can you say to your friend, ‘Let me take that little piece of dust out of your eye’? Look at yourself! You still have that big piece of wood in your own eye. You hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye.” — Matthew 7:3-5 NCV
Jesus’ point is clear: self-awareness and self-improvement are crucial before we criticize others. It’s not that constructive criticism is never appropriate, but it should always come from a place of humility and with the primary goal of helping, not hurting or judging. Before pointing fingers, we need to engage in honest self-reflection. Instead of immediately judging, try to understand and empathize.
Patience, especially in dealing with pet peeves, is not just a virtue; it’s a gift you give yourself. It has a boomerang effect. As we choose to bear with one another, we protect our own joy and discover unexpected reasons to smile.
Is it easy? No. But is it essential? Absolutely. Life is far too precious and fleeting to waste being constantly irritated.
Cut people some slack. Ease up on your judgments. Reduce your list of pet peeves, and extend patience to those who trigger them. This world, with all its quirky individuals, is actually a wonderful place to be. The sooner we focus on finding the beauty amidst the imperfections, the happier we will all be.
1 W. E. Vine, Vine’s Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words: A Comprehensive Dictionary of the Original Greek Words with Their Precise Meanings for English Readers (McLean, VA: MacDonald Publishing, n.d.), “Longsuffering,” 694.
2 David Hocking, “The Patience of God,” Blue Letter Bible, https://www.blueletterbible.org/comm/hocking_david/attributes/attributes14.cfm
Excerpted with permission from How Happiness Happens by Max Lucado, copyright Max Lucado.
Man with beard looking thoughtfully
Embrace Tolerance and Find Your Joy
Are pet peeves stealing your happiness? Today, let’s take Jesus’ advice to heart and perhaps even laugh at our own “beams” while offering grace for the “specks” in others’ eyes. Choose patience, practice tolerance, and reclaim your joy. What are your thoughts on managing pet peeves? Share in the comments below!
