Losing a pet is an experience that every pet owner dreads. It’s not the muddy paw prints on the floor, the occasional chewed-up shoe, or even the unexpected vet bills that weigh heaviest on our hearts. The most profound challenge of pet ownership is knowing that, inevitably, we will have to say goodbye.
Our pets, if we are fortunate, grow old alongside us. Their bodies, however, cannot sustain their vibrant spirits indefinitely. We simply never have enough time with them, even when they live long and joyful lives. The bond we share with our pets is unique and deeply significant, making their loss incredibly painful.
In June, I had to bid farewell to my cherished cat, Squiggles, my constant companion and soulmate. The months that followed have been a journey through the complex stages of grief after losing her. It’s been an arduous process, and if you’re experiencing something similar, know that you are not alone.
The Unbreakable Bond with Squiggles
Squiggles was more than just a pet; she was family. Born to our other cat, Flopsy, she arrived in my life when I was just sixteen. For nearly 22 years, she was a constant presence, living life to the fullest. She moved across three states, survived a week lost in the wilderness, and even embarked on a four-month cross-country road trip during the height of Covid.
Alt text: A tortoiseshell cat calmly sits in a car’s passenger seat, secured in a harness, enjoying a road trip, highlighting the joy pets bring to travel.
Road trips were infinitely better with Squiggles by my side. The connection we shared was, without a doubt, one of the most profound relationships of my life. She understood my needs with a single glance and would even gently lick away my tears when I was upset.
For over fifteen years, I tried to mentally prepare for the inevitable day when Squiggles would no longer be with me, a day when I would have to learn to navigate life without her.
Why Is Grieving a Pet So Difficult?
The grief experienced after losing a pet is often uniquely challenging and profoundly impactful. Despite the intense sorrow, you might feel isolated in your experience. Friends and acquaintances may not fully grasp the depth of your pain or offer the support you need. It can feel as though the world expects you to move on quickly, minimizing the significance of your loss and making you question the validity of your sadness.
However, it’s crucial to remember: the sadness you feel when Grieving A Pet is entirely valid and normal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with experiencing deep sorrow for your animal companion.
Research indicates that society often doesn’t recognize pet loss with the same gravity as the loss of a human. This societal devaluation can lead to unresolved grief, known as disenfranchised grief, where individuals feel they have no legitimate outlet or validation for their emotions.
If you’re struggling with the loss of a beloved pet and feel isolated in your grief, communities like “The Furever Forest” offer a safe space to connect with others who understand. Losing a pet can be one of life’s most devastating events, particularly if the loss was sudden, traumatic, or prolonged. Even when a pet has lived a long and full life, saying goodbye can feel impossibly difficult. Here are some key reasons why grieving a pet is so hard:
1. Pets Are Family Members
While pets are animals, they are unequivocally members of our families. For many, the bond with a pet transcends companionship; it becomes intertwined with our identity, feeling like an extension of our very soul. Therefore, the death of a pet is not just the loss of an animal.
It’s the loss of a cherished family member, a deeply loved one, and a piece of ourselves. Acknowledging the depth of this bond and validating your feelings is paramount to healing. Being surrounded by others who understand this profound connection can provide immense comfort and support.
2. Loss of a Major Comfort Source
Pets provide more than just company; they are significant sources of comfort and stress relief. When this constant source of solace is gone, finding relief from sadness can feel insurmountable. The absence of their comforting presence can lead to feelings of isolation and profound loneliness.
Initially, looking at photos or videos of your pet may be intensely painful, triggering a wave of tears. Allowing yourself to express these emotions is healthy and can be beneficial in the long run. Eventually, these memories can become a source of comfort, a way to reconnect with the love and joy your pet brought into your life. Talking about your pet with others can also alleviate pain and reduce feelings of isolation. The initial days and weeks after pet loss can be excruciating. Prioritizing self-care during this period is crucial. Resources like “Self-Care After Saying Goodbye To A Soulmate Pet” can offer guidance during this difficult time.
3. Disruption of Daily Routines
Pets become deeply embedded in our daily routines. Often, we spend more time with them than with any other being. Their absence fundamentally disrupts our daily structure, leaving a void that can make it hard to find motivation or purpose, even for simple tasks like getting out of bed in the morning.
With the rise of remote work, our bonds with pets have deepened as they are now constant companions throughout our days. If your pet was always by your side, you might instinctively turn to talk to them, only to be sharply reminded of their absence. This constant reminder of loss can be pervasive, from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep, and even in your dreams. Be patient with yourself as you adjust to a new routine without your pet. Practice self-compassion as you navigate this new reality.
4. Unconditional Love and Acceptance
The bond with a pet is characterized by a rare and precious unconditional love. Human relationships are often complex, fraught with insecurities and anxieties about judgment.
However, with a pet, you can be completely yourself, and they will love you without reservation. Even without spoken words, you intuitively understand the depth of their affection and unwavering loyalty.
Alt text: A golden retriever gazes upwards with soft, loving eyes, embodying the unconditional love pets provide their owners.
Stages of Grief After Pet Loss
Grief is an emotional journey that defies logic. To navigate it, you must allow yourself to experience the pain, rather than trying to suppress or bypass it. While understanding the stages of grief isn’t about neatly checking boxes, recognizing them can provide a framework for your emotions and validate your experience. “There really isn’t a right or wrong way to grieve,” but understanding the general stages can be helpful.
Denial and Shock
Denial and shock are often the initial responses to pet loss. The reality of their absence feels surreal and unbelievable. You may feel numb, struggling to cry or fully grasp the situation. Moments might occur where you instinctively reach out to touch them, only to be jolted by the painful reminder of their absence.
Focus and sleep may become elusive, and social interactions might feel overwhelming. A sense of being in a haze is common. These feelings can be amplified if you witnessed your pet’s death or if it was traumatic. While this stage is typically short-lived, it can recur in waves for months following the loss.
Bargaining
The bargaining stage involves attempts to regain control or reverse the loss, often through promises to a higher power in exchange for your pet’s return or survival. For those with terminally ill or missing pets, this stage can be particularly intense.
Despite knowing the inevitable, you might find yourself pleading for intervention or desperately wishing you could have done something differently to save them.
Guilt
Guilt is a particularly prominent and unique stage in pet grief. Pet owners often bear the responsibility of deciding when to say goodbye, especially when euthanasia is chosen to end suffering, as was the case with Squiggles. This decision, even when made out of love and compassion, can be accompanied by profound guilt.
Guilt can also surface when you experience moments of happiness, forget about your pet for a while, or get through a day without crying. It’s important to understand that these moments do not diminish your love or grief. They simply reflect your resilience and human capacity to adapt and find moments of peace amidst sorrow. “The Furever Forest” offers support in navigating feelings of guilt, a common struggle for pet parents. If guilt, regret, or anger are overwhelming, joining a supportive community can provide tools for self-forgiveness and healing.
Anger
Anger in grief can manifest in various ways, directed towards yourself, the veterinarian, loved ones, or even the pet for leaving you. Irritability and unexplained anger are also common.
It’s valid to feel angry when your pet dies. It’s an incredibly painful experience. Anger might stem from the circumstances of the death, the sudden change in routines, or the sheer unfairness of having to navigate life without their comforting presence. After Squiggles’ death, I experienced increased irritability. Recognizing this as a stage of grief allowed me to practice self-compassion and communicate my emotional state to others. Often, anger is a manifestation of deep-seated sadness, an empowered expression of pain. Acknowledging and processing anger is crucial, as it often precedes the most challenging stage of grief: depression.
Depression
The depression stage is when the full weight of the loss settles in. The reality of your pet’s absence becomes undeniable, and profound sadness engulfs you. Tearfulness, intense longing, and a sense of hopelessness are common. You may feel that you will never feel better and that you are completely alone in your sorrow.
Symptoms of clinical depression, such as sleep disturbances, appetite changes, low energy, difficulty concentrating, and loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, can emerge during this phase. Social withdrawal and isolation are also common. This stage is often the most painful and prolonged. Allow yourself to fully experience your emotions during this time. “Let yourself feel your emotions.” There is no set timeline for grief, and it’s crucial to resist the urge to minimize your sadness or rush the process. Crying, missing your pet, and taking as much time as you need are all valid and necessary aspects of healing. Support from trusted individuals is invaluable during this stage. If you lack a support system, seeking professional therapy can provide a crucial outlet for processing your emotions.
Acceptance
Acceptance in grief doesn’t signify the end of the grieving process, but rather an acknowledgement that life has been irrevocably changed. Resistance to this stage is common, often fueled by fears that memories will fade – the sound of their bark, the feel of their fur, the rhythm of their purr. There might be a fear that accepting the loss equates to diminished sadness and fading love. This is simply not true.
The acceptance stage is about honoring your pet and cherishing the love you shared. It’s about adapting to a “new normal” and striving to live in a way that honors their memory. Acceptance is not a final destination but an ongoing practice. Peaceful days will be interspersed with moments of intense grief. Even months later, unexpected waves of sorrow are normal and valid.
Bonus Stage: Making Meaning
As you navigate the stages of grief, you may find opportunities for growth and transformation. Making meaning involves integrating the loss into your life in a way that fosters positive change, connection, and renewed hope.
This stage extends beyond acceptance, allowing you to channel your grief into creative expression, such as art or memorializing your pet in your home or garden. Fostering animals can be a meaningful way to give back while honoring your pet’s memory, if you are not ready for a new pet of your own. “Brooklyn Animal Action” is one organization that facilitates fostering. After allowing myself to grieve Squiggles, I found a profound way to make meaning from my loss by creating “The Furever Forest,” a community to support others grieving their soulmate pets. This community offers resources, support sessions, and creative workshops to aid in the healing process. Finding meaning in your pet loss journey fosters inner peace and eventually allows joy to outweigh sorrow.
Important Reminders When Grieving
Grief is Non-Linear
Grief is not a linear process with clearly defined stages to check off sequentially. It’s common to fluctuate between stages without any predictable pattern. You might move from depression back to denial, then briefly experience acceptance before plunging back into sadness. Experiencing multiple stages simultaneously is also completely normal.
Grief is Personal
While the stages of grief offer a helpful framework, they may not always resonate perfectly with your individual experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Family members may process grief differently, with varying timelines and expressions of sorrow. Both experiences are valid.
If you are seeking additional coping strategies, resources like “Grieving A Pet: How To Cope Without Your Soul Mate By Your Side” offer further guidance.
Grief is Unexpressed Love
Grieving a pet is a natural and necessary process. Missing your pet for the rest of your life is not only likely, but also a testament to the profound love you shared. Grief is the manifestation of the unexpressed love you continue to hold for them.
Over time, the intensity of grief becomes more manageable. The “box and ball analogy” offers a helpful visual representation of this process. If you are grieving your beloved pet, please accept my deepest condolences. It is an incredibly difficult experience.
Your pet undoubtedly knew and appreciated the depth of your love.
During this challenging time, prioritize self-care. Resources like “Take good care of yourself during this time” can offer support. For a supportive community to process your grief and honor your pet, consider joining “the Furever Forest.” You can also find support and community on Instagram at “@fureverforest.”
If this article resonated with you, please share it. And if you feel comfortable, share your pet’s name and a cherished memory in the comments below. <3
